woah. already home from college, i love days like this. so anyways, last night i saw my lovely boyfriend. mm i think anyway. we never really fight anymore, and he hasnt cheated since september. i know what youre thinking, "he's cheated? and you're still with him?" well yes, yes i am. you cant ignore how you feel and you cant fight feelings. funny, he always cheats in september, which weirdly is also my birthday month. hmm. anyway so yeah. in september 2009, he cheated on me with a girl called sarah. she was blonde, fun and flirty and we'd been goin through rough patch. she was an easy way out and it hit me like a bullet. i'd just turned 16, we went out for dinner, the next day - boom. a month later, we were happy again and i tried to forget. it was so hard and i still mention her to get some sort of reaction. the follwing year, only a couple months ago, he was out clubbing, steaming drunk and kissed someone else. yep, another boom. i dont even know how to say everything i feel, it hurt so much and it was like he was less sorry than before, like he knew i would forgive him cause i did the first time. yup, ouch.
i do love him but ah, how does somebody learn to trust again when you've been hurt like this so many times. thats just the cheating alone, forgetting the flirting, private messaging, sexting, arranging to cheat and picture texts. ah my life is one big cheat, a massive lie and a nice spoonful of deceit. how i envy men and their amazing self belief that their stupid, lovesick girlfriends will always forgive them. a stupid, lovesick girlfriend like me. idiot huh?
No comments:
Post a Comment